ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
