PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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