If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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