Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
