my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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