it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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