she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
