am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
