I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
