I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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