Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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