you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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