Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
