i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i think i have two assholes
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
