I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
