I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
