Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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