her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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