I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
