So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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