My girlfriend figured out who you are.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
