Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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