There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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