I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
