i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize