I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
