I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
