seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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