A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize