i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
