I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
