dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
