You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
