im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
