my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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