Me too!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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