That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize