Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My bed smells like the plague
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize