Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize