and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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