Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
