Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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