But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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