I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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