You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
