I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
