HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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