tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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