You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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