using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
