Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
