happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
