It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize