4 words: hood of his car
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I need to calm my uterus...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
