Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
