I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
