Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
