babies were throwing up all over the place
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
