does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
