So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
