life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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