i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize