dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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