he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
