WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize