Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
