we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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