just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
