I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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