i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
